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My wife, Kelly, asked me today while we were watching a movie (The Patriot w/ Mel) “If we are anti-violence, is it OK to watch violence in the movies?”. This made me think pretty hard. I didn’t have a good answer. I wanted to say it was OK, so I could continue watching what ever movies I felt like watching. But I didn’t feel right saying that it was OK either.

So I came to this temporary conclusion. If the movie didn’t glorify violence then it was OK to watch. But that’s a simple answer to a far more complicated ‘problem’. What if a movie showed the harmful effects of violence on society in the end, or at some moment in the movie, but for the most part glorified it in the rest of the movie. I think that a majority of violent movies fall into this category. Even if the movie doesn’t glorify violence in the end I think it’s easy to gravitate, and remember the violence without it’s negative impact on society. I remember watching Goodfellas when I was younger and thinking the mafia was pretty cool. Somehow still thinking this even after the terrible lives the characters were living at the end of the film. The same went for Casino, Bravehart, Gladiator, and countless other action packed movies. So this really proved the point that a violent movie with some redeeming value still can be harmful, at least in my life.

So what about reality? The reality is that our world is violent. So to accurately portray the real world, a film must show violence. I think this is true to a certain degree. Watching a movie on the genocide in Rawanda was violent, but I’m pretty sure there wasn’t anyone longing to be in that situation. The same goes for Shindlers List, The Pianist, and others. So there must be a difference between acceptable and unacceptable violence.

I guess I’m starting to understand the difference now. But how do you tell what a movie will be like before watching it? I don’t have an answer for that (as if I have an answer for anthing). I think a good place for me to start is to just deal with the obvious. Some movies are more obvious than others.

My wife mentioned to me a few other things we could also consider when it comes to watching violent movies. How about the historical, or educational value? Watching a movie on Gettysburg is a form of education, and it is very violent. Is this OK? The tricky thing about the educational value of a movie is whether it is the the kind of education that is worth being educated on. I don’t think I can use the education argument for mafia movies, arguing that I need to be educated on blowing someones brains out.

There is a lot more I could say about this, but the blog is getting long. I guess it all comes down to motive. When I watch a movie, am I’m looking for violence to be entertained? Or is it necessary for a good educational cause? I think this question is enough to get me 95% there.

One time I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and we were talking about what it meant to be a trustworthy person. I considered myself trustworthy. If someone told me something in confidence I wouldn’t blab it around to others. I didn’t revel in the misfortune of others… most of the time. I didn’t talk negative about people… unless they did something really negative… or funny. So here I am thinking I was doing OK. After all, the way I am is what I expect from others whom I have average respect for. All in all, I am at a median of trustworthiness. Hmmm… I didn’t like the sound of this. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that just because I didn’t ‘backstab’ someone often didn’t mean I was all that trustworthy.

I tried to think of others in my life. How trustworthy were they? What does it look like to not say ANYTHING bad about anyone, ever?

Well, I had myself a new goal. It didn’t seem that hard. I could do it. No more badmouthing others, no matter what the circumstance. But it proved harder than I thought. I occasionally found myself talking negatively about others in casual conversations, typically about people I really didn’t know that well and done in an indirect fashion. I talked with friends about my new goal, and everyone seemed as though they were in the same boat. Snap! It’s tough to actually live this out, every minute of every day. I was beginning to think my new goal was pretty rare to find.

I began thinking about how this may have been perceived by others around me. And I came to this conclusion. The people I am close to for the most part have nothing to worry about and can really put their trust in me. People I don’t know too well might be at more risk for some ‘badmouthin’, but these people don’t give a crap. After all, they don’t know me that well. I found that the people who are in the ‘risky zone’ are those that I know, and interact with regularly, but aren’t really close to me in terms of friendship. Hmmm, I’m feeling pretty rotten bout now.

So I continued to work through this process of becoming a better more trustworthy person, and at times it felt pretty heavy. Then, a few months ago, I experienced the tragic loss of my Dad to a unexpected heart attack. In my time of mourning I created a blog as a tribute to him. I used the blog to talk about how wonderful he was and how much he meant to me. It was through this process that I discovered something. Dad was the man! Not once in my life could I recall him ever speaking anything remotely negative about others. He ALWAYS gave people the benefit of the doubt. He saw the good in people when it was pretty tough to see.

Now I have a model of what I am aspiring to be like. I’m sure Dad had his moments that I’m not aware of, but I like it that way. I’ve always respected my Dad and dreamed of being the man he was, but this was a big deal to me. Up until now I was beginning to think it was an unattainable goal. Everyone confided in my Dad, and respected him so much. I know for a fact this wasn’t easy for him, but it was worth it. And this is who I want to be.

I’d like to think that I have progressed over the months and days. And hopefully others will see me one day as I saw my Dad. A rare, trustworthy, admirable man.